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Why Do All Real World Las Vegas Cast Members Have Drug Addicted/Deadbeat Parents?

April 14, 2011

It’s always been a dream of mine to be on Real World. I love when people look at me, and this seems like the best medium for the most people to see me dicking off in front of the entire world.

Then I realized I’m at an inherent disadvantage—because, well, I’m not addicted to drugs, my parents aren’t addicted to drugs, nor do we have serious mental illnesses.

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“Hi, Rob? It’s Theo…”

April 13, 2011

His line with the Red Sox: .196-7-16 in 38 games. We could use him.



April 13, 2011

Sometimes I feel as though the one thing we can never experience, no matter how much money we have, no matter how successful we are at a given trade—we can never truly understand what it feels like to be on stage, as the center of attention, with thousands upon thousands of people focused entirely on you, basking in the glory of your music that you created.

Not to sound cliche, but it truly must be the ultimate high.

Is it narcissism?

Uh, probably, but who cares?

However, this is why I worry about Justin Bieber. In all likelihood, he’s either already hit his “peak” or will have within the next few years. I mean, the kid has already sold out Madison Square Garden…

So does he have nowhere to go but down?

Is this why so many child stars turn to drugs? To try to replace the high of just owning the moment, of being on stage in front of thousands of screaming fans, all yelling at you, for you, because they want you, oh they love you and worship you and pay money to see you and would kill to touch you—and if you bring them on stage and kiss them on the cheek ohmygodtheymighthaveaheartattack.

Sometimes I wish that could be me. Sometimes I wish I could be Robbie Williams performing at Knebworth in front of 375,000 people, ripping off air guitar chords, pumping my fist in the air—LET’S GO—holding my arms out to embrace the shouts and cries and cheers of pure unfiltered adulation and love.


“I wanna be a baller, shot caller”

April 13, 2011

Mitt Romney and the Rhetoric of American Exceptionalism

April 12, 2011

Frankenstein—err Mitt Romney—you know, that guy on Belmont Hill with the pink mansion and all those cats? Well yesterday he announced his “exploratory committee” to become president.

Not surprisingly, his first pitch is laden with rhetoric lauding America’s exceptionalism (or fall from exceptionalism under BHO). You’d think you were listening to a reading of one of Alex de Tocqueville’s letters sent to his countrymen in France.

“How is this happening in the nation that leads the world in innovation and productivity?”

“With able leadership America’s best days are still ahead.”

“It’s time to put American on a course of greatness.”

“I believe in America. I believe in the freedom and opportunity and the principles of our Constitution that have led us to become the greatest nation in the history of the earth.”

“This effort isn’t about a person. It’s about the cause of America’s freedom and greatness.”

How can America claim greatness when its very morality and integrity had been shattered under the Bush 43 presidency? At least when it was U.S. versus U.S.S.R., we always, always, had the moral high ground—as Matthew Parris of the London Sunday Times points out—and could use this to our advantage.

And what’s with the French flag logo?

Hopefully this joker doesn’t make it pass the primary—let’s get a real conservative in there, not some guy that put something in place in Massachusetts that Obama copied but the average layperson doesn’t understand aside from talking points (socialized health care? mandates? spending! what does it all mean?).

To all you 23-year-olds who are freeloading on your parents’ health care plan—FUCK YOU. You’re taking MY social security money.

For Brady, 2000 draft still stings

April 12, 2011

Sorry to post back-to-back videos that will induce a combination of chills and tears (if you’re at work, just say it’s allergies).

This is lifted from “The Brady 6,” airing tonight on ESPN at 8 p.m.

Despite the supermodel wife, the millions in endorsements, the three Super Bowl rings, the two MVP awards—for two minutes we’re transported back in time: to a scared, anxious kid, who probably wondered whether or not he should have taken up the Montreal Expos on their offer when they drafted him in the 18th round of the 1995 MLB draft.



Gives Me The Chills Every Time…

April 7, 2011